Where are my people?

November 24th, 2014 17 Comments

IMG_0443What are your thoughts?  What compels you to spend time on social media, and to read blog posts? What’s your shtick?  Where are your people?


For a number of years I’ve been wondering where my people are. One afternoon, when I was leaving a meeting with my spiritual counselor, I mentioned this. He said, probably in jest, he’d love to know where his people were too.  His comment amused me.  I assumed, because of his profession, he was surrounded by “his people.”  If he couldn’t find his, how would I locate mine?

Recently I was chatting with a long time friend, who moved to North Carolina from So. Cal. She’s adjusting to the cultural, meaning it’s slower paced, and conservative.  When I told her I wish I could find my people, she burst into laughter, and said she’d love to find her’s too. Again, this reaction surprised me. At least two friends who can’t find their people.

When we hung up, I jumped head first into pondering who “my people” would be. It makes me anxious to think I can’t describe them.

While meditating the other day I stumbled onto one possible clue . They would have to be kindred spirits. That’s obviously a pretty broad definition.  It implies people who are like me, which seems a bit egotistical.  Am I not a broad-minded person, flexible, and interested in diverse ways of being?  I know lots of people; rich, homeless, atheists, devoted believers, well educated, high school drop outs, aggressive folks, laid back gypsy types, and creatives vs. not.  Only a few who I might consider “my people.”

Some friend date back to my early thirties, after my divorce.  We were young, worked, partied, moved around a lot, and went shopping. Life was uncomplicated.  Gradually they hooked up, got married, had a kid, worked harder, bought their first home; not necessarily in the same neighborhood. That was the beginning of the disconnect between us.  We spent time together, but often when hubby went to a game, or mom needed some time with the girls.  It wasn’t the same.  Some of the marriages started falling apart, and mothers became the primary parent, dropping the kids off here and there.  One of my best friends often told me “you wouldn’t understand Shar, life is just different when you have kids.”

My social scene changed. I met new people at various jobs, new apartment complexes, and clubbing. There were boyfriends, some long term, some not.  All those years of people coming and going, with a few hanging in for the long term.

My peers are getting older.  A few are financially stable and they have the freedom of choice, others are dealing with health issues that limit their lives. Some wonder how they’re going to support themselves for the next how many years.  Is the place they are living going to be the last, is their car going to hang in there, how long will they be to able to live alone?  The one common denominator among us is the desire to get rid of stuff.  Do these similarities make us kindred spirits, or do we just have some common life circumstances?

The answer isn’t easy, but I think kindred spirits are those people you love to share thoughts and feelings with, and who enjoy similar activities.  These are the bits and pieces that make me gravitate to one person, or another.  I call a friend that likes to go to the movies, another to discuss a book, and someone else to join me for a drive to the beach.  This gives credence to “kin for a day”, but do I think of them as “my people?”

How do you go about finding your people?  How important  is it for you to be able to identify them?

Your thoughts will broaden mine……..please share them by leaving a comment below.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Now, please check out some of my other stories.  Maybe you and I will become kindred spirits?

© Shari Adams


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Kindred spirit, friend for life.. I still can’t define ‘my people..’ but hopeful they’re around the corner until they are not. Nice piece of writing, Shariohhhhh.


    Thanks Susan! Yes, it’s not so easy to define, at least for me, but I’m enjoying receiving people’s veiw.

“My people” are those spending time together in the moment, being together enjoying each others company at that moment in time. Sometimes, that’s all we have of each other.


    Thanks Margaret! I appreciate your thoughts, and those moments are nice.


‘My people” are those in my life that make me smile when I think of then. Warm memories, loving feelings, wishing them the best that life can be, appreciating the lessons I have learned from them — that’s what my people invoke in me.


    Thanks for your thoughtfulness about this question. What a loving way you have described “your people”. I’m seeing that the concept can be viewed as a much wider stroke than I had envisioned. : )


“Let My People Go” was not only about the people of Moses’ religion, but people who had the same beliefs. So, maybe “MY PEOPLE” is simply that, people with the same beliefs.


    Thanks so much Holly! Great analogy, and I understand why you would identify your people in this way. For me, “my people” would be those who have no immediate family. I still haven’t found them, but will keep looking. There are certainly a lot of ways this can be thought of by people, and it’s interesting to learn what they are. I appreciate your thoughts!


Hi Shari, I’m Sharon. Fact: friends come into your life from many sources and places…trying to GO FIND THEM, not feasible. I have a different concept of what constitutes My People. Here’s my short version: All My People are my friends, but not all my friends are My People. My People are friends that I’ve TAKEN WITH ME on this journey called my life.

For example, I have a People from my early childhood (I’m currently 67). I have three People from high school, two from college and two from a job, in the mid-70s, etc., etc. I may not see or speak with My People very frequently and My People may not be in the same city, state or country, but the tie between us is always there.

Once a friendship come into our lives, all of us know how hard it is to maintain a good one. Maintaining a “Peopleship” takes an even greater effort; and for that reason, instead of pondering where Your People are, I suggest you ask, “Do I have People?” If you do, you’ll always know where they are.


    Hi Sharon! Thanks so much for your really thoughtful comment. I understand your thinking, and you make a good point. I have some people in my life from when I was 30. Life was different for all of us then. Our values and needs have changed, as well as our interests. I would consider few of them as my people, and have begum disconnecting from others. After giving this subject much thought, I realized that the “people” I really want to connect with are those who have no immediate family left. It’s such an odd place to find myself, and people who have family can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like not to have one. I have not been successful in finding them yet, but I’m still searching. That’s why I wrote the story about being an orphan at any age. I needed to define it, for myself. Having said all of this, it appears that this thing about “our people” is different for most of us. It’s an interesting topic, and one I’m glad that I broached.


Where are my people??? Che you have been my people…for 41 years! Can’t imagine my life without you!


    Yes, you are one of my people too, and one I intend to hold onto forever. It’s been quite a journey, hasn’t it? Lots of great memories.

kansas boy

my people maybe my friends or work mates, but not necessarily. I’ve done few volunteer activities and found that complete strangers share the same love of the outdoors as I do. It’s a non verbal comradery that is very comfortable being around.


    Thanks again! Guess we all have different types of friends, and it’s great…..would I consider them all my people? Probably not, but I do appreciate them!!

kansas boy

Lanston Hurhes poem “My People”
The night is beautiful,
So the faces of my people.
The stars are beautiful,
So the eyes of my people.
Beautiful, also, is the sun.
Beautiful, also, are the souls of my people.


    Hummm, I’m not familiar with Lanston, but enjoyed the little poem. Thanks!! : ) Do I know you?